


Monster Boy

by Mickey_99



Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Misunderstandings, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24175009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickey_99/pseuds/Mickey_99
Summary: Tendou's story.(Part of a series)
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736596
Comments: 20
Kudos: 310





	Monster Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Tendou was really hard to write because he has such a big personality. But I hope you like it. Kunimi is next.

I have known what soulmates were since I was 5. I used to look out of my dingy self-constructed shelter in the alleyway of downtown Tokyo, and I would watch as people exclaimed their excitement over finding their soulmate.

As I walked the downtown looking for pockets to pick, I would hear ecstatic remarks of the romance that two soulmates had. The way they could read each other's minds and feel each other's pain. Hell, they could write messages to one another on their arms once they had met each other in person.

And to a little kid, like me, who had nothing else to dream about in the world. I dreamt of meeting my soulmate more than anything else. Even on the days where my stomach growled, and I really should have been dreaming of food. But I was lonely and dreaming about being loved and cared for was too damn tempting.

I had only ever known the streets. The streets had claimed my mother when I was 4, and I had never known my father. There was an ache deep in my tiny chest that yearned to be soothed.

So, when a woman came along offering me food, a place to stay, affection. I reached out and grabbed her hand without second thought.

“What’s your name lady?” I asked.

“Just call me mom,” she said.

And I smiled because I had a mother again.

A month had gone by. She fed me every day, washed me, clothed me, and she was even teaching me how to read.

"Satori," she said kissing my head," Don't you think you owe me something after all I've done for you."

I nodded quickly. Because, even in my 5-year-old brain, I knew what she had done for me warranted a lifetime of repayment. I just did not know what type of payment she wanted.

"I have a friend coming over tonight," she said," I want you to take him to the basement and let him do whatever he wants to you."

I nod. An uneasiness settled into my stomach, but this woman had given me a home. I could do her this favor.

That night I led a man I did not even know to the basement of the huge home we lived in. The energy shifted suddenly, and I was being grabbed by the throat and slammed onto the ground.

"God I am going to have fun ruining you." The man said. His breath smelled awful, and I fought the urge to turn away. I was doing this as a favor for the woman who saved me.

But no matter how much I tried to tell myself this, it all hurt far too much. My young body was not ready for the pain and torture this man was putting me through for his own pleasure. It was painful. And no matter how hard I tried; I could not stop the tears from leaking out of my face.

Eventually I fell into a state of no longer being _there_ I was somewhere else entirely. I smiled because, I felt like I was underwater. The pain felt muffled down here. Dulled

“Look at you, smiling,” The man said, and I could feel myself being pulled back to the surface forcefully. I couldn’t hide behind false truths anymore,” You look like a monster.”

The man left, and I lay there a mess of cuts, scrapes, bruises, and shaking limbs. Strangled sobs coaxed their way from my mouth. Everything hurt, and I never wanted to do this again.

But then, _she_ was there, she was coaxing me back out of my own head. She carried me to the bathroom and lowered me into the tub. My body stung were the water met all the abrasions on my skin. But overall, the water was soothing. She gave me more food, and water. And, yet again, I felt loved.

“Would you be willing to do that again for me,” she asked sweetly,” Because if you are, I will keep taking care of you, just like this. Not to mention, I saved your life. I think you owe me at least this.”

I hesitated because that encounter had hurt; I had felt like I was actually dying.

But this woman had indeed saved my life. And that was a debt that I would never repay. So, I nodded my head and agreed to what she was saying.

I signed my soul over to the devil.

**_I really was a monster, wasn’t I?_ **

****

Mom only visited the house on weekends, and she had a nanny taking care of me the rest of the time. I tried to ask her where she was all the time. But she would just smile and tell me she was at work.

I was homeschooled up to the point of being 8, I had come across some elementary school kids running around outside. They were laughing and playing, and part of me had wanted so badly to join them.

I had run home incredibly quick that night.

“Mom,” I shouted into the huge house. It was a Friday so she should be there.

“What is it Satori dear?” She asked me gently. She ran a hand over my hair, brushing the locks that hung in front of my forehead to the side so she could kiss my head.

“Can I please go to school?” I asked bowing.

Her hand stilled and her breathing hitched slightly.

“Why dear?” she asked smiling, but there was a tightness to her smile.

I tensed slightly; I sensed she wasn’t happy.

“I want to have some friends,” I said, mumbling. “They all look like they are having so much fun on the playground when I pass by. I… I want to have fun too.”

I heard a sigh of relief come from her mouth.

“If I let you go to school,” she said,” you have to pick up more customers at night. And you can’t tell people about what happens here, they will think you to be a monster.”

My breath hitched. Was I prepared to have more pain every night, just to be able to go to school? But I thought of the kids surrounded by friends on the playground. I could handle a bit more pain.

**_I was a monster after all, right?_ **

I nodded. And when she gave me a big hug, all the worries I had previously disappeared.

The first day of school turned into a mess. It was nothing like I had thought it would be.

“You’re named after the yokai Satori,” Someone said after hearing my name. “You’re a monster.”

I felt myself turn cold inside, but I simply smiled and waved and continued on with my day. Don’t show them it bothers you or else they go harder. That’s what I learned.

“God,” someone said,” You’re smile is creepy as well.”

I smiled wider, but I felt his heart break as the kid ran off.

I was still in elementary school when I discovered volleyball. More specifically when I discovered blocking.

I had just done a kill block on one of my bully’s spikes. And when I looked down, I saw the boy who so often tormented me, looking absolutely wrecked.

A small part of me felt a pang of regret upon seeing his face looking so disheartened. But a bigger part of me was smiling. And that part, was the one written all over my face.

“You really are a monster,” The bully said, his voice shaking.

And that night, while one of the customers was whipping my back and my legs were shaking from the pain of standing, I laughed. It was the laugh of an insane person.

**_ Maybe I was a monster after all. _ **

**__ **

It wasn’t until middle school that I learned what rape was.

I had been walking in the hallway and I heard a group of students talking about it. I in turn looked it up not knowing what it meant.

My blood had run cold.

Was that what was happening to me? I researched it some more. I researched until I learned the meaning of consent. And I decided that I really didn’t ever ask them to stop. Maybe if I did, they would. After all, it said everywhere I went that I had the _right_ to say no.

That night I tested the theory.

“No.” I said pushing his hands away.

“Honey you don’t get to say ‘no’, I already paid for you,” And he continued on with the very painful encounter.

The difference was that, no one came down to provide care afterwards. Normally mom or my nanny would. My body burned as I tried to sleep that night. And for the first time in my life, I hated the fact that I lived in that house. I also learned that monsters don’t get to say no.

The fact that I was punished so harshly the next day only reaffirmed this.

I was in my last year of middle school when I found out that my soulmate would never want me.

“Who want’s someone who looks like they could kill them in their sleep,” A bully said to me. “I feel sorry for whoever your soulmate is.”

That night I had cried for the first time in a long time. I had sobbed while the man behind me pounded harder. I could still feel the pain of the knife in my back. And once the man had spent inside me and was laying across my bloody and sore back, I cried harder.

“What the hell are you crying about monster boy?” He asked, he sounded annoyed.

I don’t know what possessed me to tell him, but I did.

“My soulmate will never want me,” I said quietly,” Not after this.”

He got up and I rolled over to watch him leave, to make sure he actually left. Some tried to start round two.

He glared at me,” People like you don’t have soulmates. Don’t deserve them. After all, you got hard from what we just did.”

And he was right.

**_I was a fucking monster._ **

When I started my first year of high school, I met my soulmate.

I had always had a bad habit of doodling on my arm during class. So later when I met him it was blatantly obvious.

Ushijima Wakatoshi.

He was gorgeous and strong. And he looked like he could snap me in half in about three seconds despite us being around the same height.

“You’re my soulmate,” I said excitedly,” Mr. Gorgeous is my soulmate.”

I watch as he grimaces slightly before bowing to me,” I am very sorry,” he said in a monotone voice,” I have no time for soulmates.”

My face fell, but I quickly smiled one of my fake smiles. “Then how about just friends?” I asked sticking my hand out,” We can sit together at lunch, and we already are going to be regularly at practice together. What do you say?”

  
Ushijima gives me a once-over. I tense slightly under his gaze. The look he was giving me seemed to burn right into my very soul and all the secret that were hidden there.

“Very well,” he said taking my hand,” We will be friends.”

I relaxed. I could handle us just being friends. Friends were okay.

I smiled the rest of the practice despite what people were saying behind my back about it being creepy.

The next day everyone knew that Ushijima had rejected me. I could hear it all over the halls and inside the classrooms. People, mainly females, were gossiping about how he had made the right choice. I tried not to think about how much it actually hurt when they said that.

Instead I just walked up behind them and gave my best smile and asked what they were talking about. They all yelped and ran away from me in fear.

I smiled wider.

Needless to say, people were too scared to gossip about it in front of me anymore.

When lunch came around, I quickly threw my lunch down on the table in front of Ushijima.

“Man Toshi-kun,” I said, I smirked when he winced at the nickname,” You are popular. I had girls all over the place mad at me today.”

He raised his eyebrow at me, not understanding why females would be mad at me.

“It’s because they are mad fate made me your soulmate instead of them,” I said stretching,” I tried telling them that you are still a free man, but let me tell you high school girls are vicious.”

“I see,” he said, taking a bite of his food. I wanted to laugh at how serious he looked. “I am sorry, I should have rejected you in a more private setting. Would you like me to speak with them?”

I snorted slightly before throwing my head back in laughing.

“You’re too serious Toshi,” I said wiping tears from my eyes,” I was messing with you. I am a big boy I can take care of myself.”

“I see,” Ushijima says,” Why are you calling me Toshi?”

“Because we are friends,” I said,” And friends give each other nicknames.”

“I see,” He said before looking down at his food, only this time he seemed more intense. He was thinking, it seemed.

“You look like you want to murder your lunch,” I said poking him on the forehead with my chopsticks,” If you hate the nickname that much, I can stop using it.”

I waved my hand as if the show it was no big deal.

“No,” He said looking at me. His voice still as monotonous as ever,” I just can’t seem to think of a nickname to give you.”

“What?” I asked confused. Because now this boy was throwing me for a loop.

“You said friends gave each other nicknames,” he said,” And we are friends, so therefore I should give you one.”

“That or just call me by my first name,” I said waving my hand around again,” Not all names are easy to pick a nickname from. Plus, you don’t seem like a guy to give nicknames. So just use my first name. Okay?”

“Okay,” he says simply.

Later when lunch ended, he headed off towards his classroom.

“See you at practice Satori,” I heard him say before walking back to class.

And I refuse to admit whether or not my heart skipped a beat in that moment.

I kept it from my adoptive mother. Something in me said that it was a bad idea to tell her. Maybe it was the fact that I was growing some awareness of the situation that I was in. Or maybe it was because of what the man had said to me that one night. Either way that was the day I first felt my bonds to that house slowly starting to break.

In my second year of high school my mother made a rule that I could only be in a certain part of the house. The house was huge it had to entrances that weren’t even in eyeshot of each other. I was told that from then on, I was to use the entrance along the back side of the house that led straight into the basement. She told me that these were the only two areas of the house I could access. She even switched the key on the front door so I could no long access the main house.

When I was younger, I had always asked my mom what her job was to be able to have such a huge house. She had simply stated that she sells merchandise. I had slowly begun to think that I was the merchandise.

None-the-less, I had no where else to go, so I followed her rules. Her car was now always at the house. But she now visited me far less.

Sometimes I could hear her mumble about how I brought in less money than I used to now. And my heart would break.

I was sitting at lunch one day during my second year, Semi and Ushijima were both there too. And I overheard the conversation at the table next to us, it caused me to grip my chopsticks so hard my fingers turned white.

“No way dude,” I heard a guy from my class mumble,” Men can’t get raped. It’s impossible.”

“What about from another guy?” The other person says.

“No way,” The first one says,” It’s their own fault if they look like a faggot!”

The laughter from that table was jarring. I felt myself freeze.

I briefly heard Semi telling them to stop being bigoted freaks, but I was in a haze.

I got up quickly from the table and even though I knew it went against everything everyone thought about me, I quickly made my way to the bathroom to cry. I was happy that Ushijima and I didn’t have bond of pain or emotion yet because I was digging my fingers into my arm as I felt panic rising in my throat.

“Tendou?” I heard a voice ask. And I froze. That was Semi. Team mom.

“Tori are you okay?” I heard him ask.

I said nothing, I just unlocked the stall door and let him in. I watched as he shut and locked the door behind him before pulling me into a hug. I hissed as his hand made contact with my back. He gave me a look before pulling my shirt up to see what had caused my reaction.

“Oh my God,” he said.

I began to sob.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Who did this to you Tendou?” Semi asks. And he has my face in his hands.

“Customers,” I say shortly. But tears are still making burning streaks down my face.

He froze slightly, Semi was always observant. He was probably putting pieces together as we spoke.

“Tori,” he says gently, forcing me to remain looking at him,” Are you being hurt at home?”

I sobbed and nodded my head slowly.

“Is it sexual?” He asked.

And I let out a pained whine before tearing my head away and looking at the ground in shame. “She brought me in off the street,” I said,” I thought I owed it to her.”

“We need to tell someone- “

“No!” I shouted,” No one can know.”

I remembered the punishment I got from saying no.

“You can’t stay there, Tori,” he said,” You could get hurt.”

“Please,” I said,” I won’t stay there, can we just not talk about this anymore?”

“What about the police?”

“No.”

He gives me a onceover. “Fine,” he says sighing,” But you’re staying with me from now on, my parents live overseas and send me money for food and stuff. So, you don’t have to worry about telling anyone else- “

I cut him off as I launch myself at him. I wrapped him into a hug. I felt a soothing hand move up and down my back.

“Come on,” Semi says gently,” Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?”

I nodded.

5 minutes before lunch ends the two of us make our way back over to the table. Ushijima is still sitting there.

He looks at me worriedly as I sit down.

“Sorry,” I said to Ushijima,” I got really sick in the bathroom, guess I must have eaten something pretty bad.”

The man nods at me. “Do you need to skip practice tonight? I can tell coach.”

“Can you do that for both of us actually?” Asked Semi,” I think I am going to walk Satori home after school; I think he’s got a fever.”

Ushijima nods. And for some reason it makes my heart clench that Ushijima isn’t the one taking me home.

At the end of the day I walked home with Semi.

“Semisemi?” I said to get his attention.

He hummed. And he didn’t get mad about the nickname.

“Thank you,” I said.

His response was a flick to my forehead.

But still life didn’t get easier. I would wake up from nightmares and Eita would have to rush into my room to calm me down. I slowly began to realize how much touch made me so uncomfortable. Not that it hadn’t before. Slowly as I came out of the situation I was in, the trauma began to set in. It was almost like getting an injury in the middle of a game, but not realizing how bad it truly was until after the adrenaline wore off. And yet still, even with all of that, things felt like they were getting better.

At the beginning of third year Semi met his soulmates, and they moved in with him not long after.

Goshiki Tsutomu.

Shirabu Kenjirou.

They were both first years. And Goshiki seemed to get along with me pretty well. Shirabu often looked like he got annoyed pretty quickly.

“They had a shit family too,” was all he told me,” They won’t tell me much more than that.”

I had nodded my head. After all this was his house. He could do whatever he wanted. But somehow, I found myself wishing that Ushijima and I were able to be together like the three of them.

I found that after I started living with Semi, my feelings for Wakatoshi grew quicker and stronger than what they used to. Most likely because now I was focused more on him when we spent time together, than whether or not the upcoming night was actually going to kill me. And every time I fell harder for the boy, I felt my heart break a little more. Because no one was ever going to love a monster like me.

It was partway through my 3rd year. I sat across from Wakatoshi. Semi was with his soulmates and wasn’t sitting with us. And for some reason that day I didn’t feel much like talking and instead chose to stare out the window during lunch.

“Tori?” I jumped because that wasn’t Eita’s voice.

“What did you just call me Toshi?”

“I called you Tori,” he said,” I apologise. Eita calls you it all the time so I figured I would too.”

I stared at him wide eyed,” Yeah well Eita has been calling me Tori for years now, why are you just starting now?”

I watched as he shrugged. I sighed and went back to staring out the window.

“You’re being awfully quiet today,” He says suddenly.

“And you’re being awfully talkative,” I said smirking at him,” Guess we are both a bit out of character today.”

“Is there something wrong?” He asks fidgeting in his seat.

I shrugged,” I guess I don’t have anything interesting to talk about today.”

It was silent for a moment. “I heard from Goshiki that you live with the three of them,” He suddenly says,” I… You… You never told me.”

I blink at him for a couple seconds before turning to look back out the window.

“I didn’t think it mattered,” I said, I was speaking honestly,” We are only friends. It’s not like we are family or soulmates.”

The last part caused my physical pain to say. And I was turning to look back out the window again when I heard a fist slam onto the table.

Several tables around me and myself startled as Ushijima Wakatoshi slammed his hand on the table in rage. He got up angrily from the table and left the cafeteria quicker than I’d ever seen him go.

Semi gave me a surprised look from a couple tables away. And both Goshiki and Shirabu looked at the door that Ushijima stormed out of like god himself had walked through it.

I stood up quickly and ran after him. I saw him take a beeline towards the gym, and I followed quickly as possible.

“Toshi wait!” I shouted.

The man stopped and waited for me to catch up, though he looked like he was seriously considering just leaving.

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked quietly. My heart clenching painfully at the idea of losing him.

“You said we weren’t soulmates,” He said, he was looking at the ground.

“Yeah well you’ve never wanted to be,” I said confused. “You rejected me the day we fucking met Toshi. What am I supposed to think?”

“I wanted you to wait until I was ready!” He shouted.

I flinched back, tipping backwards in order to get away from the voice that was yelling.

But I was stopped by falling by a hand at my back. And now he was so close that I could feel his breath on my face.

“Toshi,” I said,” You didn’t really explain that to me. You said you didn’t have time for soulmates. You never said anything about waiting. I’ve liked you forever. And I have been head over heels for you for the last year. It was only ever you.” I pushed away from him. And I watched as his face took the form of regret. “I became your friend so we could be close to each other. I’ve done nothing but wait for you. The only one I ever had interest in loving was you.”

And suddenly I wasn’t able to talk anymore because his lips were on mine. And I felt the physical bond, the bond of pain snap into place. And part of me was thanking god that it hadn’t done it until now.

Months later we were both going to the same college. We requested the same dorm room. But it was hard. I sometimes had to hold a hand over my mouth when I woke up in a panic at nights and I kept pushing Toshi away whenever he tried to do anything sexual. I would rarely cuddle. I would never even get naked in front of him. He was patient. But I knew that he knew something was wrong. And it was all going to explode back in my face one day. I just knew it.

It was our last day in the dorm. And I was changing. We were leaving for Miagi in a short time. I heard the door open and then I heard a bag drop.

“Tori,” I heard his voice, and I froze,” What are those?”

“Scars,” I said simply.

“From what?”

I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t say the truth. He would never want me then. So, I lied.

“I am into pain during sex,” I said smirking at him.

And the look on his face was pure hurt.

“So, you have had sex before,” He said,” You just don’t want to do it with me?”

I didn’t know what to say. Because in this situation it seemed like a bad idea to say that I’m not ready.

I watched as he clenched his fists and grabbed his bag, “I am heading to the train station now. Please, just stay away from me. I had a feeling you were just playing with my emotions. You really are a monster.”

My heart shattered as I watched him leave. Not for myself, but for the tears I saw falling down the normally stoic man’s face. I sat there for what felt like hours before leaving to head back to Eita’s place.

It was weeks later as I lay in bed. Questioning whether or not I should even continue living, that I got the text message.

I went back in forth between the gun and my phone.

I picked up my phone.

**_Shouyou_ ** _has added_ **_You_ ** _,_ **_Kageyama Tobio, Kunimi Akira_ ** _,_ **_Shirabu Kenjirou_ ** _,_ **_Goshiki Tsutomu_ ** _,_ **_Yamaguchi Tadashi_ ** _,_ **_Yaku Morisuke_ ** _, and_ **_Akaashi Keiji_ ** _to a group chat._

**_Shouyou:_** _This is Hinata Shouyou from Karasuno High School._ If _you have burning questions about your past that you need answered, come to Tokyo on Sunday. Kenma and Kuroo’s place. If you can’t or don’t want to that’s fine, it’s your choice. But if you have any desire to have answers, I have some._

I froze. My past. Someone knew?

My phone pinged again.

**_Kageyama Tobio:_ ** _Dumbass you have to send the address. And don’t just assume they know who your soulmates are. You are really fucking bad at this._

**_Shouyou:_ ** _Listen bitch, you know better than anyone that this is not a good time to make me mad._

I found myself laughing suddenly at the antics of the two. And suddenly the door to the room was opened.

“Are you going?” Semi asked. I looked at him confused as to how he knew. “Goshiki and Shirabu are in the group with you. And Kuroo just invited all the respective soulmates out to a bonding time on Sunday. It’s at some hotel. I think you might see Ushijima if you go to this thing.”

“I’m going,” I said,” But not for Toshi, I have a question I need to ask.”

I discreetly moved the gun to lay under my pillow. It was there if I decided I needed it when I got back.

**_ DID A MONSTER LIKE ME EVEN DESERVE TO LIVE? _ **

**_ [Join the discord!!!](https://discord.gg/ebQ9kg5Q7r) _ **


End file.
